Bring Us In Good Ale

Charles Macfarlane

With the exception of the first verse and the chorus, which are traditional, these were some modern silly verses written during the flurry of UK food scares in the late 1980s.  If you want the traditional lyrics, they're at Mudcat

Bring us in no brown bread,
For that is made of bran!
Bring us in no white bread,
For therein is no grain!

But bring us in good ale, good ale,
Bring us in good ale!
For our blessed Lady's sake,
Bring us in good ale.

Bring us in no soft cheese,
For that has got listeria.
Bring us in no beef,
For that gives us hysteria.

Bring us in no fry-ups,
They'll give us heart disease.
Or butter with cholesterol,
To clog our arteries.

Bring us in no chicken,
For they're full of salmonella!
Neither bring in eggs,
For they've got it as wella!


Bring us in no mutton,
With scrapie so they say.
Bring us in no sugar,
Our teeth would soon decay.

Bring us in no P*,
For it is laced with benzene.
Bring us in no coffee,
For that is laced with caffeine.

Bring us in no canned drinks,
Dosed with aluminium.
Bring no jars of baby food,
With foreign bodies in-i-um.

Bring us in no salt
For it overloads the heart
Bring us in no curry
For it causes us to fart.

Bring us in no white rice
For it is too refined.
Bring us in no white bread
It's too much of a bind.


Creative Commons Licence Copyright of this work is held by Charles Macfarlane, who licenses it under a Creative Commons Licence (Attribution-Non-Commercial-No Derivative Works 2.0 UK: England & Wales)